#29 ~ Paint

That's me in the purple. I was so nervous and scared to be there.  I know it is strange since I am an artist full time as a career, but I felt this great sense of pressure.  What was others going to think?  Since I am an artist should I not be great at all art?  Shouldn't I be the one who can create great things?   I wore white pants, so I am sure I was not thinking about using soft pastels or even painting and getting dirty for that matter.

My painting the first night.  We used red, orange and yellow.  The theme was focused around my body.

The second night we worked with clay.  We had to close our eyes and feel the clay, feel grounded and create.  I found this difficult to get out of clay production mode as well as thinking about creating something I was feeling rather than thinking about how could I create something that was functional and salable.  Then after a while we had to switch with a partner and create with their piece.  This aspect was almost easier as at first I didn't want to change anything that they had create at the same time I was able to let go and just create.

That same night we painting with blue, green and yellow.  The theme was thinking about how we felt at that moment and how did we create the things in our life.  What did we need to learn from it and why were we attracting these situations and feeling.  As you can see we had just gotten back from French River and I was still feeling like I wanted to be there.

The third and last night we talked about where did we want to go from here.  I LOVED doing the sharpie marker doodle with words.  I am a more words person.  I like to write, read and connect more with words.

Our last painting was with all the colours.

By the last class I was starting to work past my insecurities and just play, paint and let go.  I have dug out all my old supplies that I had thought would never resurface.  It has been amazing.  I am feeling more connected with myself, my creativity as well as being a creative being.  I find it difficult to take compliments as well as to identify with being a creative being and artist.  (strange I know!)  But for me it is more of a matter of HAVE TO rather than choosing to.  I am always creating something because it is what I do.  It brings me happiness and calmness.  I do it because I enjoy it, savour it, and can't think of doing anything else, it is just who I am.  So for people to say that it is a gift I don't quite understand, it is me, maybe the underlying theme here is that I AM A GIFT and this is what I have to learn to cherish.