Something to Share

For the past few weeks we have been holding a small secret close to our hearts.  I have thought many times to share it here but I was just not ready.

We are expecting our third babe in June.  We at first had thought that we would keep this close to us and share little with others as it will probably be our last pregnancy and I wanted to hold it sacred for a while.  However, in our initial excitement we told Sam and therefore everyone he met for the next few days he told them that his Mommy was growing another baby in her belly.  So everyone knew, even strangers.

Being my third pregnancy I am stressed about very little.  I am very calm and excited about the next 8 months and the transformation and inner work that it brings.  I have had difficulty this time accepting being pregnant.  Paul and I had talked about it for a few months and then decided that we would try one cycle and see what happens if it was meant to be we would get pregnant and if not we would wait a year. (Having a summer baby is best for the studio as we close it for the summer, therefore I can take the time off mostly guilt free)
So we tried and got pregnant and I was taken back.  I started over thinking it, why was this the right time? Why was I special enough to get what I asked for?  If I asked for this and got it what other possibilities are out there?  Everything is going amazing, pregnancy, kids, studio, marriage, creativity.  When was the other shoe going to drop?  I don't feel pregnant, I feel great, are we sure I am pregnant.

Now I am taking all that over thinking back.  I sure FEEL pregnant now!  Just as we block out labour pain, we block out morning sickness and all the other 'joys' of the first trimester.  The most difficult one for me is the lack of creativity.  I don't feel like doing anything, the knitting collects dust, very little pottery is made and fabric piles up waiting to be made into something.  I know that this will all pass in the next few weeks/months but for someone who defines herself so much on who she is as being creative, this slump is sometimes hard to take.  I am slowing doing something each day that I can count as being creative making me feel better.  I am catching up on reading and movies.

So please be patient as I try to get here a write what I can as I start the cocoon of pregnancy.