Yesterday was a different kind of day for me. I was alone for the whole day. I had no appointments that I had to rush to, no real errands I had to do, just a day to myself. I almost didn't know that to do. After dropping off Lily I went to the Starbucks, got a Mocha and muffin and sat down with my knitting. It was quiet and at first I felt a little uncomfortable. I am so used to rushing from one thing to the other or having the kids with me and therefore managing them at the same time. At that moment I had none of that. I was just sitting there in the morning sun knitting and sipping warmth. I started to feel guilty. I was paying for Lily to be at Daycare and here I was relaxing and doing 'nothing'. I started thinking of all the things that I could be doing, should be doing, and what I was going to do with the rest of my day.
For a minute it was overwhelming. Then I stopped and realized that I was missing this moment to myself. I picked up my knitting and with each stitch I let it go. I enjoyed watching the people come and go and the warm sun after so many days of snow. I walked around the Chapters looking at books I wanted to just because and even took some notes for future projects. When I left it was because I was done and not because I had to rush onto the next thing. I felt like I was moving in slow motion but in a good way. A few more times in the day I let the guilt of being alone creep back in and each time I tried to push it away. Trying to remind myself that this time to myself is o.k.
Having a few moments to finish the quilts (pics to come), make soup, and eat my lunch in quiet is what I needed. I spend so much time caring for the other people in my life and sometimes I forget about caring for myself. I think there is a little more self caring needed and coming in the future.