Friday, February 4, 2011

A Moment to Myself

Yesterday was a different kind of day for me.  I was alone for the whole day.  I had no appointments that I had to rush to, no real errands I had to do, just a day to myself.  I almost didn't know that to do.  After dropping off Lily I went to the Starbucks, got a Mocha and muffin and sat down with my knitting.  It was quiet and at first I felt a little uncomfortable.  I am so used to rushing from one thing to the other or having the kids with me and therefore managing them at the same time.  At that moment I had none of that.  I was just sitting there in the morning sun knitting and sipping warmth.  I started to feel guilty. I was paying for Lily to be at Daycare and here I was relaxing and doing 'nothing'.  I started thinking of all the things that I could be doing, should be doing, and what I was going to do with the rest of my day.

For a minute it was overwhelming.  Then I stopped and realized that I was missing this moment to myself.  I picked up my knitting and with each stitch I let it go.  I enjoyed watching the people come and go and the warm sun after so many days of snow.  I walked around the Chapters looking at books I wanted to just because and even took some notes for future projects.  When I left it was because I was done and not because I had to rush onto the next thing.  I felt like I was moving in slow motion but in a good way.  A few more times in the day I let the guilt of being alone creep back in and each time I tried to push it away.  Trying to remind myself that this time to myself is o.k.

Having a few moments to finish the quilts (pics to come), make soup, and eat my lunch in quiet is what I needed.  I spend so much time caring for the other people in my life and sometimes I forget about caring for myself.  I think there is a little more self caring needed and coming in the future.  

No comments: