It All

I am getting to a point in which I am unsure anymore whether I can be all the roles that I need to be.  I am not too sure I can do it all anymore.  Mother, Wife,  Artist, Business Owner, Daughter, Sister, Friend....... the list goes on and on and I just can't balance it anymore.  How do I do it?  

I have this vision in my head about how everything should be.  How each and everyday should look and it never happens.  I end up sitting crying feeling like I didn't get anything done, that I failed in some way.  That some days all Lily has done is cried and I didn't leave the therapy ball, Sam watched TV all day as that was the only way from keeping him from getting into stuff and hurting himself, and the house looks like someone broke in a ransacked the place!  Oh, and I haven't even gotten dressed!  

Creativity.......... Where is it on those days?  When was the last time I was able to be in the studio without being rushed and overwhelmed?  Months ago and the beginning of the summer season is about to start and I feel like I could have been more prepared and organized and I am missing out on so many opportunities because I wasn't organized enough.   

I am thinking can I run the studio?  People are not paying to come for half-ass service and watch me spiral into something else.  I can't even remember to get students clay so that they can make stuff and even more to the fact that I don't have the money to get it for them.  I am just not a business person and I am not running it well.  

Why is it that I can't let go and let things just flow?  Trusting that it will all flow together?  What if it doesn't?  What if everything just falls apart, what will I do then?