Big Decisions and Clearing Out

With baby only a few months away it was time for Paul and I to make some decisions about the studio and what would happen after the summer months.  We have been mulling over this topic for some time.
When I was pregnant the first time with Sam I had been working full-time and therefore took maternity leave for the full year afterwards.  I didn't have to worry about anything except caring for my babe.  When I was pregnant with Lily I had  just begun the studio and Paul and I where trying to get on our feet financial, so we decided to continue the studio.  I took a break for two weeks after giving birth to Lily and then went right back to teaching.  It was in one word HORRIBLE!  I was torn between teaching my students and listening to my little tiny babe scream upstairs.  I would have to leave at the very moment that my babe needed me and my little guy was getting used to having a little sister.  There was many days I hated my situation and felt like a terrible parent and even more terrible teacher.  These people paid me to teach them pottery and I was only really half there.
This time we decided that things needed to be different.  So we have decided to close the studio, and I must tell you I feel happy and peaceful about this decision.  We had talked a few times in the past about closing for a bit and I was always stressed about the topic and felt it would be a failure if we did.  There was always so much emotion and connection tied to it.  This time we talked about it, we both kind of looked at one another and knew that it was the right decision and it was an easy decision.  We know that things will have to change without the income of the studio but we both realized that it is more important to us for this moment to be there for our children.  For me to be able to be the Mama that they want/need and the one that I want to be for them.  So big deal no summer vacation for us, we are planting a veggie garden to save on groceries and preserving what we can, we won't be able to have all those speciality channels, we are not going to open the very large pool in the backyard this summer and we are turning the once studio area into a small apartment for my brother that he is going to rent from us.  This all seems worth it to us.
The studio is not going away forever just for now.  I know that being an artist is part of my soul and who I am and want to be and I will find many ways to let that artist diva out over the next little while.  I am clearing out all the crafting supplies that I have been given and collected over the years as I continue to look at myself and realize that just because I can sew, paint, knit, construct, create, and form doesn't mean that I HAVE to.  It is o.k. to be creative and not create. Or at least that is what I am telling myself as I clear things out and feel good about it.