Longing

Today I am longing to those days when no one cried at my feet while I ate.  I could watch my favorite show without having to pause and be a referee.  I could start something and finish in a timely fashion. I could take a shower in the morning and not during an afternoon nap.  I could pee in private.  I could leave the house without having to look and see if there was food, snot, dirt, marker on my clothes.  I had the freedom to eat when I wanted and what I wanted without thinking about feeding someone else.
For the days of endless time in the studio, no laundry, staying up late just because, deciding at the last moment to take a trip and able to pack in seconds.  Of being someone who was not defined by the role they played in someone elses life.

10 in 10 an Art Experience

To celebrate the 10th Anniversary of the Georgina Art Gallery there is a art competition.  It is called 10 in 10 and those wanting to participate bought a 10 inch canvas and let loose with their creativity.  The pieces are then taken back to the gallery juried and then entered into the exhibition.  All of the artists at the Miles Road Location on the Georgina Studio Tour decided that we would participate and would complete our pieces this past weekend together.  

My first layer of Paint.  I started with some watercolor and then added acrylics for a more vibrant colour.

Two of the other artist Lori-Anne and Lisa are both painters and gave me tips on my technique.  It was interesting to see how little I know about actual painting and how much I like to just put paint to a surface and see what happens.  

In the end what came together was mix of many mediums and textures.  I am now not too sure I want to sell it.  So we are thinking of pricing it high and then if someone wants to buy it then I am sure I can live with that :)

Working Hours

While there is something liberating about having your own business and making your own hours, there is also a part that ties you down as well.
Now I must now complain too much as I am sitting here in my Pj's still at 11:30 in the morning.  I have the kids with me and we are cooking Apple Butter and making Quinoa salad for lunch.  While I am trying to enjoy these moments there is a studio downstairs SCREAMING my name.
I think of all the work that I could get done is a had regular working hours.  I would be the productive artist that I dream of being.  Right now I feel like I am stealing an hour here and an hour there and there not much getting done.  I feel it pulling on me when I am not down there working as though I should be taking every spare moment and glazing one more piece.  How is this good for the time I spend with my children?  Are they feeling like I am somewhere else all the time?

I could work in the evening but truth be told that after a full day being a Mama, Wife, carer of the home, there is not much energy left to the an artist and I just want to snuggle  up on the couch watching my favourite show while knitting.

I am just trying to imagine and create the freedom of being able able to work as an artist and then walk away and then have the freedom to be a Mama.

Heres to creating working hours.

Tutu's for All

For a family birthday party this weekend I decided to make Tutu's as our gift to the three birthday girls.  With everyone turning a different age I was unsure what to make.  After some inspiration from a friend we headed to the local fabric store to grab some tulle and elastic.  I had done a wee bit of searching on the web before going and found some instructions that I thought would create a great result and in a short amount of time. (Yes, I left my creating to the last minute!)

I cut the tulle into 1.5 inch strips and then did a slip knot over the elastic that I had sewn into a circle.  

For the two girls I a double fold over creating a 'puffy' tutu while for the Mama I only did a single fold over, creating a less 'puffy' tutu and allowed for more length.  

As you can see the end result was happily embraced by all!  I can imagine there is lots of dancing going on in their home this week.

Pumpkin Picking

One of the great things about having a Nana and Papa with a small farm is that we get to have small personal experiences.  This year there was a pumpkin patch planted and each time we visited the kids watched as the pumpkins grew and grew.  Nana had stakes that she used to show the kids how much the plants had grown in the time since the last visit.  It was a really great experience for them to see how much a plant can grow from time to time.
Last week was picking time!  We brought alone some good friends to share in the adventure and we went out and picked most of the pumpkins.  Everyone was able to carry a few of their own special ones up to the pumpkin display that Nana created at the front of the house to honour the fall season.  Everyone took home one pumpkin and at the end of the season we will go back and get the rest.
The two little pumpkins didn't last long here.  That same night I had them cut up and roasting in the oven.  The next day Sam came home form school to Pumpkin Muffins and this past weekend we made Pumpkin Cheese Cake bars for a family birthday party.  With all the pumpkins in Nana's Patch I can only guess the things that we will be making with all that Pumpkin Puree.

#64 ~ make pasta sauce

Having married into an Italian family there is one thing that is always made from scratch and that is pasta sauce.  In all the years that I have been a part of the family I have never seen Paul's Mom cook with sauce from a jar.
Seeing as I now have an Italian Surname I thought I should embrace this a start making pasta sauce from bare bones.  It would allow me to put in the spices that we all enjoy as well as removing the preservatives that can be found in the store bought sauce.
Paul's Mom planted about 30 tomato plants this year and she and I will be making lots of sauce!
I decided to make a very simple sauce and then with each meal I would be allowed to add things based on what we were feeling that night for dinner.

First we washed

Then we simmered them on low for about an hour. 

Then we took a hand blender until smooth.  Then we added basil and salt.  

We then froze it in small containers for a meal.  This is a plain sauce but then we have the opportunity to add garlic and other spices as well as veggies depending on the meal.  

It was a success and there is lots more pots of sauce on the stove.  I am thinking we may be done with store bought sauce!

#15 ~ Cleanse my Body

It was not what I had expected.  But then again nothing in life has been thus far.

I have spent many years plagued by Candida issues.  This past winter it had gotten to its worst and after some testing realized that it had taken over my body.  The problem being Lily was only 10 months old at the time and she and I were not ready to stop nursing so that I could cleanse my body of the Candida.  So I tired diet to help minimize the symptoms and we started a wheat, dairy and sugar free diet.  This helped but did not solve the problem.  It was a long battle in my mind as to when I should wean Lily so that I could cleanse.  I wasn't ready, she wasn't ready and yet I was tired of the symptoms.  Two weeks ago I made, what I thought at the time was a selfish choice, and I weaned Lily cold turkey in a weekend so that I could do the cleanse, I just couldn't handle it anymore.  (She managed as well as she could given the situation and we have been doing a difference dance since.)
I got all the things I needed for the cleanse, prepared myself mentally and started.  While I had been limiting sugars, wheat and dairy I had to cut about 90% of my diet out for the two week cleanse.  I did well for the first three days, then everything changed. I got grumpy, angry, weepy, shaking and overwhelmed.  These moments would come out of nowhere and I could be feeling these emotions all at once.  I seconded guessed weaning Lily, I felt bad for myself and who I was.  I tried painting but I couldn't get anything to come out.  Some nights I slept great others I lied awake and ran over what seemed like every thought I had ever had.  I got insecure again, second guessing friendships, trying to find a place to fit. Do I belong to this place, do I have meaning,  if we moved would I be missed?  Or am I just the Mama who so desperately wants to be a part of a community of women that she tries to hard and it shows?  Why couldn't I just realize I am perfect just the way I am.
I felt like the cleanse has taking me emotionally turned me inside out and brushed out all the things that I had been storing there from the past and given me a chance to try it out and see if it still fits.  Some things fit like an old pair of jeans that you loved, you think about keeping them, but when you look in the mirror you realize they look terrible and you throw them out.  Others I didn't even want to try on.
It has been strange as I did the cleanse for physical reasons, but I didn't experience any of the physical symptoms of cleansing.  (Well there is the 8lb weight loss)  I do feel better physically and the Candida symptoms are about 80% gone.
When I started two weeks ago I though I was being selfish, but it has been transformational.  I feel that even thought I am not too sure what the end result will look like.

Fall Apple Picking

On Sunday after a few days away from the kids we decided to go on our annual fall apple picking adventure.  Usually we go during the week, but this year we decided that we wanted to take Daddy along with us.  It was a real treat to have Paul join us in our adventure.
We went to Organics which is a great little family owned farm in York Region.  After reading this post we knew that we wanted to check them out.  It was a great experience.  The apples taste amazing, they are abundant, and it was easy for the little ones to pick on the small trees.  Of course the highlight of the journey was tractor.  It is these moments that I pause, have a tear and realize that there are amazing moments happening all around me.  A little one picking apples for the first time, a little man that is so happy about a tractor, a Dad that gets to share in an adventure that normally he may have missed while at work, and a Mama smiling the whole time.

The Scrapbook Arrives

My Scrapbook arrived and now I have to fill it.  I am a little nervous for the first mark on the page.  There is an endless possibility to the things that can be done.  All it needs to do it arrive back in the same cover and size.  We can even rebind it if needed.   I think it is a Make Mine a Double Gulp!!

Concept Into Reality

While at the show this weekend we stayed with friends overnight in Cambridge.  While there we realized that the artist in residence had taken on this huge adventure/journey and the ceremony was the same day as the show.  Before going to the show we went over to check it out and it was breathtaking.  She decided one day as a fellow knitter that wouldn't it be cool to cover the downtown bridge in knitwear.  We happen to see her there getting ready and she said that she never thought that it would come together so amazing.  The support and knitwear kept pouring in it seemed.  The pictures do not convey what it was like to be there, to see the crazy/silly/groundbreaking idea in action.  After the event the knitwear is being donated to Homeless and Animal shelters.  As the last picture shows, some had already helped themselves during last weeks cooler weather.  

Find Our Place

This weekend was a pretty big weekend for our little studio.  It was the first time that we have taken the yarn bowls and my knitting accessories line to a knitting event.  There was a lot of preparation leading up to this event and lots of time worrying about what would happen.  I know that the yarn bowls are something unique to the area (I am one if not the only person that is making them locally, but by no means the only one out there making them)  but I had not sold them on a large scale before.  After much anxiety (not much sleep or eating Friday night)  we had an amazing show.  The bowls went flying off the shelves and there was even some people 'fighting' for the very few mugs that I had!  It was a huge weight lifted to know that in the right crowd of fiber lovers that we can do well.  Finding my market has now allowed me to focus the studio I hope, I always felt like I was floating around, flutter from this to that.  We are off to the Woodstock Fleece Festival October 23 and are hoping for another great show!

Getting there and unloading

Starting to get things organized.  Anne smiling and ready to sell some yarn bowls

Our little Mascot.  He and his partner got a lot of attention!

The positive energy that we got from everyone was soul lifting and I am still floating around I think. 

{this moment}

The last moments of summer. It all seems to be slipping away to the blessed autumn weather. 

A Walk in the Woods

Sometimes a long walk in nature it what we need to feel grounded.  Lots of running, singing, hiding, hand holding, skipping, jumping and discovering.

#40 - Walk Sam to his first day of School. Let Go and Trust

Today was the milestone day of the first day of school.  We have been talking about it all summer, planning and preparing for this day.  We got the lunch box, the backpack, and talked about all the things we would put into the lunch.  We finished our last day at "Little School" last week and I was teary as I have loved Grace Church Day Care so much.  The caregivers love the kids like their own and Sam loved them so much.

Today he awake with great excitement.  They had a staggered start today and so Sam didn't go until 10:40 which made for a long morning.  I didn't want to get everyone ready too early but I didn't want to be rushed incase Sam needed some time to process things as they got closer.

With everyone ready we took the first day of school picture on the front steps and off we went walking to school.  He suddenly became quite and then asked if I would be coming into school with him.  I said no that it was just a time for him to meet the teacher and some new friends.  He then asked who would help him peel his banana?  My heart skipped a beat.  Up until now he has always had the security of knowing that I would be there to do these types of things.  I told him that the teacher would help him if he needed it but I was sure that he would be able to do it.

Once at the kindergarden yard he was shy and stayed in the wagon for a second.  I watched at my little guy looked at the new world he was able to step into.  I got down close and told him that today was going to be a great day and he was going to be o.k.   He waited a second and then said he was ready to go in and with that he stepped through the gate, I let go of his hand and trusted that my little guy was going to be o.k.  I knew that I had done all I needed to do to prepare him.
I walked away with many tears in my eyes but the smile on his face was worth a thousand words.

 

Pigtails

Who looks like who?  I just love pigtails!

A Rainy Market Day

This was the day we had today at the Aurora Farmer's Market.  It was very cold, rainy and super windy.
It was one of those days when I woke up thinking how I wish I had a 'regular' job like most other people and did not have to get up at 6am to set-up and sit in the rain in hopes of selling a few pieces pottery.
But I do it because I have passion for what I do (I must admit very little in the rain) and there is no other job on earth I would want right now ( except maybe winning the lottery and making art and pottery without having to sell it and just focusing on the kids and being their Mama. )

Once there with Paul and Lily in tow we get everything set-up and realize two things.  1)We are not alone in this, there is a huge community of people here doing the same thing with the same passion.  This helps, and I mean A LOT!  2) It is far too cold for Lily to be here all day and we call my brother to the rescue.

I spent a good portion of the market holding down the tent as the gusts of winds threaten to take us to the land of OZ.  I see a few friendly faces which lift my spirits and make a few sales.  All in all is was a Market Day.  You never know what kind of weather you are going to get, the sales you'll make, and the people you will connect with.   That is the all in the fun and enjoyment of Market Day.

{this moment}

As the summer is starting to come to an end, I am focusing on the few moments left.  The hot days, the bounty of food, the last swim in the pool. I have watched this summer as both of the kids have come into their own.  I am able to step back from all the 'stuff' and enjoy them and their personalities.
In a few days Sam starts JK and everything will shift and change.  I am excited for what this transition will bring.